I am woman, hear me roar

I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore

So...going through my previous blog was enough to make me realize that 2010 was a crappy old year (Get the wordplay? Happy New year - Crappy Old year? No? Ok fine, forget it!)

Apart from those happy and ecstatic moments that were few and far between, most of it was pure hell. I was miserable, I was jobless (although I was still earning my meagre salary) and I was heartbroken. Let me tell you, being heartbroken and getting over a relationship-gone-bad at the ripe old age of 27 sucks! Big Time!!

And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'Cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again

What did I do?

2011 came knocking, and I threw the door wide open and greeted it with a wide smile (those who know me and are thinking it must have been one of those totally plastic smiles - I don't care what you think ..hmmpph...at least i made an effort. So there!) and took it's arm and walked towards the sunrise.

A new job, a new city, a new beautiful home and now as I sit typing on my new shiny macbook pro, I say to myself - "Not too shabby, gurrll!" and I realize it is a new year. A beginning of another chapter. Be it good or bad, I am the author and I am the one writing it.

You can bend but never break me
'Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

For the past 5 and a half years, I have wondered what it would be like to really like my job. To feel good about getting up and going to work daily. I had a fair idea of what I wanted to do, but things looked difficult. There were easy options of settling for mediocrity and keep doing what I have been doing for all these years. I did not settle. I said no to the easy-way-outs.

Now I like what I do. I am like a new born calf treading unsteadily but slowly and surely getting steadier. I am enjoying the change and loving it. I'm not saying that it will last and I accept the possibility that it might get boring and monotonous over the years, but you see, when it does this time, I won't be unsure or doubtful. And until that moment, I hope to make the most of it.

Those people who never appreciated me or understood my worth for those past 5 yrs that I have slogged for them, can suck it!

I am woman watch me grow
See me standing toe to toe
As I spread my lovin' arms across the land
But I'm still an embryo
With a long, long way to go
Until I make my brother understand

Yes, I have a long long way to go ahead. As I have started writing again, I can feel the tiny fingers of newborn hope wrapping themselves around my heart. I will travel more - lots of countries await. Malaysia, Indonesia, Philippines and Cambodia feature in this years 'destinations - here i come' list.

Maybe learn a few languages, get enough experience to get another higher-paying job, get certified and who knows, maybe get another degree.

Eventually, I might even start dating and might finally get to meet 'the one' and end up happily married in a few years down the line. For now, just the fact that I can imagine the possibilities is good enough to make me feel contented.

Oh, yes, I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained

Pain is something I can face. I know, because I have faced it and have emerged stronger. I have been in agony, emotional hell, and physical pain. And I am a survivor. I have been in denial, I have suppressed my emotions until they ate away my core, I have weeped and smiled through tears.

Even now, a few words right on target have me weeping, gut-wrenching sobs that refuse to ebb. But I always manage to steel myself, hard and cold and ultimately all in one piece, at least on the outside.

I laugh with people at work, make jokes, call up and talk to friends and family and those precious few people in the world who care, and every day and every passing moment I know that I can face anything. I'm a survivor, I'm a woman. Pain is something I'm designed to handle. Agony only serves to polish me into the diamond that can cut the densest and hardest thing on earth.

If I have to
I can face anything
I am strong
I am invincible
I am woman

I just wish at times that I didn't have to.

2011, would you be kind to me please?